Sleight of Car

So I comes in at noon and it's a normal day; loads of work, no one working, and Brad.  Ansel and I get a good laugh when Brad admits his truck wasn’t horribly broken, but just needed transmission fluid.  After a few hours everyone goes to lunch; I am the very last. As I'm headed out to the unicorn I notice Brad's empty truck actually in the employee parking; I confirms this during a drive by of his normal parking area.  When I returns from lunch I ask Brad where his truck is cuz I didn't see it in the normal spot; no response. All is calm until about 30 minutes in when Brad starts to lose his shit; ‘Sneakors, I knew you lied to me!’

Now this is about the part where the record scratches and I explains this lengthy plan which has just started to unfold... except it's not.  Full truthies I has no idea what's going on or what I am guilty of, but as a sneakors dealing wid cute girls sometimes I is guilty of things I has no idea about.  Brad might not be a cute girl by any description, but for the sake of trolling him I will admit to just about anything.

"SNEAKORS, I SEES YOUR CAR AND I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!!!!"  Since I'mma guess you doesn't speak fluent unmedicated ADHD I'll translate; ‘Dearest fellow Sneakors, I happened to notice a red Camaro in the vicinity of my normal parking spot which you alluded to earlier.  You have been known as a rascally sport who would park in particular spots to mess with me. Obviously I suspect you of this very action with the automobile I believe you to own.’ Translations of his continued ramblings become disjointed as he reaches a level on par with a 10 year old who is many fists deep into their Halloween candy.  But then he goes for the gut punch; ‘I feel like Jackson wouldn't lie to me.’ A line which would have landed if Jackson hadn't blatantly lied on nearly every occasion. While Brad is in the throes of his spasm I peek around the building and confirm the existence of a red Camaro. Then at 6:50pm as I'm parking one of the last cars; disaster.  Red Camaro is gone. Up until this point I sat back and let Brad troll himself; simply denied everything. No reason to sell Brad on worlds that don't exist when he's got this on lock.

Turns out I'm a diabetic and needed some sugar so I quietly slipped out for a break.  I casually went to the bathroom, grabbed some drinks at the adjacent store, stood in line for forever to pay for them, and then ran back to the shop as fast as I could with a little sweat on my face.  When I handed out drinks Brad suddenly had 100 questions; all of which were "where did you move your car to?" So in short; Honest Jackson was right about the car, Brad now finally knows the color, and I'm an asshole for moving it around.  Such Sneakors. Much win.