Caught

One particular night, because it’s always particular, I clocked out with my manager; Kevin.  I was certain he’d wandered off; I was wrong. He watched a guy who could have passed for a bear cosplaying as a football player clear an entire parking lot in 10 seconds, hero dive into a car, and then speed racer away.  All of this happened on the far end of the parking lot with very few cars to obscure the view. He confronted me the next day; “Hey, I saw you leave last night. You got a Pontiac Grand Prix right?” Obviously he had me red handed.  What else could I do? I confirmed it.

Later that night Brad, Kevin, and I were in the same area around the wheel balancers.  Things was winding down so I started up a new conversation; ‘Kevin, I want you to answer the next three questions honestly.’  Kevin, a man of much girth, agreed. He was perched atop a stool made for one butt cheek, but was determined both were going to fit.  As he talked he assumed an authoritarian pose with one leg heroically a half step above the other, but his seat formed suppository was so low that he ended up nearly overflowing onto the floor.  

I Started; “Did you see my car last night in the parking lot?”  In response to this Kevin’s face lit up; all smiles and laughter.  He broke into story about how he saw me clear as day across the parking lot.  In the blink of an eye I flew from the shop to a car and fast n’ furioused my way out of there.  His chin held high at gaining knowledge of the car.

After Kevin had petered out I asked my second question; “Was the car obvious?”  He confirmed it and launched into a diatribe against Brad over how obvious the car was.  Sitting right out in the open. You’d have to be a complete idiot to ignore the car. The entire time Brad took the wobbles of Kevin’s belly wid great shame.

After Kevin had finished wailing on Brad I asked my final question; “Was the car American?”  This time Kevin went full on rant explaining how it was so obviously American and anyone who thought otherwise was a blithering stupid.  Obviously we is in the US. Obviously Sneakors is all about the big three. Obviously I drives a real American car.

Since I R Sneakors it's a fact that Brad can’t trust me even though I is truthies to him.  Something about oil and water and Sneakors not knowing chemistry. However Kevin was a reliable guy and Brad was happy to be rewarded with some verifiable information.  Many weeks later Kevin was unable to catch sight of the fabled unicorn again. Eventually he cottoned on to the reality he might’ve been bamboozled. However by this time Brad had come to accept his words as fact.  Kevin would try to undo his own claims, but Brad would hear none of it and tunnel visioned on the American cars. The rant still ringing in his ears.